How to Love the Present While Embracing the Future

If growth feels messy, you’re probably doing it right

My life has undergone tremendous upheaval over the last year and a half.

Divorce from a 30-year relationship. The death of a close family member. Depression-related hospitalization. Job loss and transitioning out of a 15-year career. Decades-long friendships fading.

I’ve also experienced a great deal of magnificence: Remembering my inner light with the help of physician-assisted ketamine therapy. Reconnecting with my daughters, who never really knew their depression-flattened father. Returning to school for my next career in psychology.

However, now that the chaos is stabilizing, I find myself somewhere in the messy middle.

A place where grief and hope share the same table. Where some mornings, I wake up resilient, and others I can barely remember why I should even bother.

A place where I’m aligning with my authenticity, while also sitting with discomfort far longer than I ever imagined.

If you find yourself amid your own “beautiful shattering,” how can you remain grateful for the present, without imposing your frustrated expectations onto the future?

Here are three approaches that help me maintain regulation. I think they could help you, too.

First, though, a bit of background.

Why the Right Growth Can Feel So Wrong

When life pushes you far outside your comfort zone for extended periods, your brain interprets the unfamiliarity as potential danger, even if you consciously recognize you’re moving in a positive direction.

Consequently, your nervous system is thrown into chaos: one moment, you’re aligned and confident, and the next, you’re ugly-crying on the floor and unable to see past your nose.

It’s only natural to seek relief from this constant push-and-pull.

So, you fall back on your past, pining for how things used to be. Or you launch into an imagined future, anxiously awaiting whatever’s coming to hurry up and arrive already.

However, bountiful wisdom awaits inside the present moment. You just need to remember.

You’ve already come so far and made many heartbreaking sacrifices to get here. And you’re energized by all the possibilities, while simultaneously exhausted by the continuous peaks and valleys.

How can you remain balanced while moving toward an unknown finish line?

How to Mindfully Maintain Your Sanity in the Messy Middle

Method #1: Lean into the micro-moments

When you feel uncertain, you don’t have to meditate for hours to find relief.

Instead, bring your awareness into small, everyday moments you might otherwise move through without a second glance. Examples include:

• Taking three deep breaths before getting out of bed, imagining pure, white light entering your body with each inhale and heavy, darker air exiting with each exhale

• Bowing to the morning light

• Feeling your feet on the ground while brushing your teeth

• Paying attention to the warm water flowing over your skin while washing your hands

• Pausing to fully experience your morning coffee, feeling its heat, texture, and taste

These practices are tiny—but mighty—and can help you remain connected to what's in front of you when your mind clings to unknowns.

Method #2: Practice "good enough" gratitude

Your body knows when you’re practicing insincere gratitude, so don’t force yourself to feel grateful for the messy middle if you’re not.

Instead, find appreciation in small, concrete things already apparent in your life. For example:

• Your friend checked in on you

• You slept through the night

• The grocery store had your favorite food in stock

• You felt the sun’s warmth on your skin

• You scored a parking spot on the first try

• Your dog was excited to see you return home

• You have clean clothes to wear

• You can still remember your grandmother's laugh

While everything else is uncertain, focusing on tiny, grateful moments can the help magic return to your days.

Method #3: Treat your body like it's carrying you through transformation (because it is!)

Growing into the new “you” takes enormous energy, even if it isn’t obvious.

As a result, it’s important to remember to mindfully move your body, eat nourishing foods, and guard your sleep like it’s sacred.

Think of physical care as honoring your behind-the-scenes inner transformation. Because when rebuilding yourself from the inside out, your body deserves a new level of attention the “old” you might not have provided.

A few recommendations include:

• Get 7-9 hours of sleep each night (longer if your body needs)

• Drink plenty of water first thing in the morning

• Eat fresh, warm foods

• Include protein with every meal, and limit excessive carbohydrate consumption

• Take baths or long showers when possible

• Take short walks without listening to music, while moving gently and allowing your mind to wander

When you care for your body in these ways, you partner with your ongoing growth instead of simply surviving it.

It’s All Happening, Right Here, Right Now

“You are not waiting for The Universe. The Universe is waiting for you.”

Although the messy middle might feel uncomfortable as hell, it’s also the crucible where your next version is forged. There’s a lot of gratitude to unearth in that wisdom.

However, you already know that existential panic about unknowns rarely strikes when convenient. The good news is that you can implement these methods anytime, anywhere.

And with consistent practice, you can build momentum that carries you to the “finish line”—whenever it arrives.

Until then, you have everything you need right here, right now.