The Courage to Disappoint People Will Set You Free
You were never meant to be who they expected
For decades, I didn’t trust myself.
I believed living my life from a place of authenticity was a pipe dream. I believed I was unworthy of shining my light and I lacked agency on a fundamental level.
And these beliefs caused deep frustration.
In protest, I did the only thing my maladaptive behaviors allowed: I raged against my body and the world around me.
Still, I felt the days ticking by. I was terrified that I’d wake up at 46 years old, no closer to living an authentic life than I was decades earlier, and filled with regret.
Which is precisely what happened.
Thankfully, I’ve since learned that it’s possible to trust myself and show the world who I really am, regardless of age.
But if you find yourself constantly bouncing between a desire to live authentically and self-defeating mental and behavioral patterns, how can you learn to trust your inner voice and exit this feedback loop?
Let’s start by looking at common beliefs keeping you stuck.
Are These Beliefs Preventing You from Trusting Yourself?
When you finally trust yourself, everything breaks open.
New doors appear. Not because the world changed but because you finally looked forward instead of down.
You stop feeling the need to explain. You no longer contort yourself into places never meant to hold you.
You take risks that terrify and exhilarate you. You fail spectacularly at some things and discover you're brilliant at others. But regardless of the outcomes, you realize they’re all wins.
Some people won’t understand. They’ll fall away quietly, and the spaces they leave behind fill with something you'd long forgotten: hope.
In short, when you agree to unleash your authenticity, your world doesn't end. It begins.
It’s all here, waiting just on the other side of limiting beliefs like these:
How can you mindfully put these beliefs to rest and reawaken to self-trust?
A 30-Second Pause for Listening to Your Inner Voice
Whenever you recognize these self-limiting beliefs creeping in, take 30 seconds to implement this practice and shift your perspective. You don’t need to be seated, so you can use this almost anywhere, anytime.
Start by closing your eyes or softening your gaze.
Gently place one hand on your belly and the other on your heart. Take a deep breath in through your nose, imagining pure, white light entering your body. Then, exhale through your mouth, imagining heavy, dense air exiting.
Once you’re settled and connected to yourself, inquire: “What feels true?"
Feel the answers in your belly; your gut instincts.
Feel the answers in your heart; your quiet wisdom.
Don’t analyze. Don’t expect. Just listen and trust whatever arises.
This is your inner knowing. This is your body speaking its truth.
When the time is right, repeat your deep breath, open your eyes, and vow to honor the wisdom you’ve been given. If possible, I strongly recommend writing down your insights (the Notes app on your phone works great!).
Stop Hiding and Trust Yourself, Now
Most of the time, we complicate the truth.
The reality is that you almost certainly know what you need. You always have.
The voice telling you to stay small, to wait for permission, and choose safety over authenticity?
That was never you. That’s your ego trying to convince you to play it safe and live in the shadows of others’ expectations.
Instead, your authentic voice is much quieter but persistent. It speaks through gut feelings and sudden moments of clarity.
When you remember how to listen and trust what you hear, the people worth keeping will stay. The opportunities meant for you will come.
The life you're supposed to live is already trying to find you. Stop hiding from it and trust yourself. Not tomorrow, not when you're ready, not when it's convenient.
Now.
Because you already have everything you need.
I like how you set up the chart with the reframe, Derek. Your writing is always flows well. It’s easy to grasp the message you're trying to convey. In this post you gave us a specific exercise we can use to get in touch with our higher selves. I find that many people struggle with that. They may even doubt that they have a higher self. I find getting quiet and still is half the battle. I often need to ground myself. I find it depends on where I am in the moment. It’s easier at home than if I’m somewhere else. Dropping down, for me, is the next challenge.
I have never tried the ‘white light’ followed by ‘is it true?’ I imagine that could be a powerful exercise of you feel it and when you can truly take it in, as Rick Hanson at the Greater Good Institute likes to say. It reminds me of what my psychotherapist taught me. She was influenced by his work.
His method generally includes four steps:
1. Have a positive experience. (Notice it or create one.)
2. Enrich it. (Stay with it, feel it in your body, make it intense and lasting.)
3. Absorb it. (Imagine it sinking in, becoming part of you.)
4. Link it. (Optional) (While feeling the positive, also bring to mind a mild negative to soothe or reframe it.)
Not exactly what you described here. But, it’s related I think. We have more power over our emotional states than what we tend to believe. I especially like the ‘enrich it’ or ‘expand’ it part. This is when you can take a positive emotional experince and expand it throughout your body. I believe it helps counter negative messaging from childhood. It’s literally rewiring the brain. That’s been a game changer for someone like me that was conditioned to develop a negative or pessimistic mindset.
Inner knowing is a gift. So is the idea that we can change the way we feel. I find comfort in knowing that personal resources are always available for me.
I was never meant to be. PERIOD. My mother contracted polio between the two epidemics and although she conquered it she was told she couldn't have children. So she married at 35, and got pregnant (?!) and then had another girl 15 months later(!)
And we both disappointed her- I was a child born with FAE issues and compromised lungs. My sister has her own set of issues. We lost both our parents 15 months apart 40+ years ago.
I set myself free by investing my inheritance in physical corrections and education that has granted me a 40+ year career in ministry
Not bad for a disappointment