These 3 Mindset Shifts Transformed My Life
Simple—but not easy—strategies for reclaiming your inner light
The bad news? I can’t help you.
Nathaniel Branden explains:
“No one is coming to save you; no one is coming to make life right for you; no one is coming to solve your problems. If you don’t do something, nothing is going to get better.”
I resisted this fundamental truth for years and always sought external blame for—and relief from—my depression. Sure, I hated being stuck, but there was a great deal of comfort in apathy; not having to put in the necessary work for meaningful, lasting change.
Between money, relationships, mental or physical health, career, or all of the above, the harsh reality is that if you’re fortunate to live long enough, life is going to kick your ass. Multiple times. And when it does, instead of repeatedly standing up and pushing back, it’s easier to bow down, release your agency, live small, and become permanently complacent.
The good news? You already have everything you need to regain your power and do so in a healthy, productive way.
I’ve made all the mistakes. But I’ve also found that lasting change begins with these three simple—although not easy—mindset shifts.
1. Take Personal Responsibility
Nathaniel continues:
“The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless. We may feel if only I suffer long enough, if only I yearn desperately enough, somehow a miracle will happen, but this is the kind of self-deception one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades.”
When you believe you’re a victim of forces you can’t control, tame, or regulate, whether external or internal, you react to them without thinking.
Like a rudderless boat caught in a sudden storm of your own making, a gust of wind moves you in one direction while the current pulls you in another. The rain blinds you, and the incessant waves threaten to drown you. You can barely maintain enough energy to grip the wheel.
Fortunately, you have a spare rudder on your journey: personal responsibility.
Without question, this is the mental shift that enables all others.
By directing your attention internally, you become an active participant in your well-being. You can observe your reactive patterns without judgment and create a more stable foundation for happiness.
Eventually, you’ll recognize that your emotional states no longer stem from your experiences, but from your relationship to them. How you choose to perceive your experiences—not how your victimhood dictates you react to them—makes all the difference.
Enjoy your new superpower.
2. Recognize That You’re a Character in a Story
I spent several years in the rave scene during the late 90s/early 00s. But I never experienced a dissociative state until I started ketamine therapy.
During a session, I’m taken to a pitch-black, formless place I call The Void. It contains nothing and everything and feels like my ancient home. There is no time, no Derek, no universe, nor any concepts of these concepts.
Floating there, it’s obvious to “me” that whatever “I” am largely boils down to the stories I continue telling myself.
I can clearly see that what I repeat, I encounter. I recognize my how I limit myself with definitions like "I'm always sad," “people don’t like me,” or "I'm not good enough." I can see that always believing I’m a failure always leads to failure.
Thus, by clinging to different emotions, physical states, and memories, I am literally the author of my life. I have the power to rewrite any part of my narrative that no longer serves me. My present story isn’t bound by my past.
With this power, we also improve our emotional regulation and further break reactive cycles, give ourselves the gift of greater self-compassion, and provide greater agency in our personal growth.
3. Burn, Baby, Burn
“What is to give light must endure burning.” ― Victor Frankl
Running from your suffering only perpetuates it. You become caught in a feedback loop of adversity.
Instead, stop. Face your negative emotions. They hold profound insights about your needs, boundaries, and values. However, you must maintain the courage to listen.
You must be willing to burn. You’re strong enough, though. I promise.
Through recognition, you’ll sear away all that which no longer serves you. You’ll:
Better understand your emotional triggers to help you respond rather than react
Develop greater empathy
Open yourself to authentic vulnerability
Release chronic stress and trauma stored in the body
Learn to sit with discomfort, which makes fear less threatening
“The only thing to fear is fear itself,” and whatnot.
The Seeds of Change: Your Built-in Tools for Transformation
There are two fantastic things about these mindset shifts: 1) they’re completely free, and 2) you already own them.
Now, it’s up to you to refine them as tools—to cultivate them as practices for reclaiming your power. And to do that, you must put in the uncomfortable work.
Go easy on yourself, though. Some days, you'll embody these practices effortlessly; others, you'll fall back into old patterns. But—call it trite or whatever—the reality is that it’s all about small efforts repeated daily, leading to big results.
However, remember that these transformational practices aren’t a magic bullet, and they can take a lifetime to “master.” But by planting these seeds, you’ll sure as hell be on your way toward reclaiming your power.
And sometimes, the only thing we need to do is begin.