What I Wish I Knew When I Was a Punk-A$$ Kid

A compassionate letter to me, from me, before me.

Don’t hate. It was the late 90s.

Dear Young Derek,

First, let me say that you deserve love and a compassionate hug. I know you’re doing your best.

However, you also deserve a swift kick in the ass. And maybe a slap or two across those cheeks.

I’m ancient, so you probably wouldn’t listen to me, anyway.

But given the chance to deliver this letter, I could help you avoid so many blunders, so much frustration, and bountiful suffering by:

• Warning you of the partying and drugs you’ll use to quell your demons

• Minimizing your ego’s influence over some of your most profound decisions

• Urging you not to listen to those who say you can’t live life on your terms

• Waxing poetic about the thousands of versions of “us” you’ll experience throughout the decades, and how each one of them is a beautiful expression of your eternal light

Perhaps most importantly, though, I could compel you to seek help when you first recognize the gears in your head aren’t working right.

Or, at the very least, help you understand that, if left unchecked, depression—you haven’t learned what this is yet—will permeate every moment of your life and even destroy some of the most priceless.

But this is about your future, not mine.

You still have plenty of time to get your sh*t together.

You have thousands of opportunities in front of you to choose between reactionary, depression-rooted anger, and compassionate understanding. Between shutting down and opening up. Between walking in darkness and shining your light brightly.

Bowing out hasn’t crossed your mind yet, but it will one day, soon.

When it does, please don’t believe ideation’s lies.

Getting help—early—will teach you the tools you need to stand up for yourself and regain your agency. And more than anything, they’ll make you a better father to your future girls.

Young Derek, I see you.

My decisions, many of which are regretful, have made me who I am. I remain grateful for them, as they allow me to pass along this advice.

If you remember nothing I’ve written here, instead of clinging to the external, I plead you recognize that you have a choice, right now: turn your attention inward and pursue the path of lightness.

The universe holds so much wisdom and joy, and you are meant to receive it.

With cosmic love,

Future Derek