Discover Peace by Letting Go
6 steps for releasing clinging and embracing uncertainty
I met someone last year.
I was fresh out of a 30-year relationship and wasn’t looking for anything serious, but her light was enchanting.
Things moved quickly, and our time together ended messily with the typical: “Maybe we’ll reignite when our lives settle down.”
The months that followed were deeply challenging for many reasons. However, this impossible glimmer provided me with much-needed hope.
Then, one morning, completely out of the blue, she made it clear: she was moving on.
I felt blindsided. Again.
It hurt, and “old” Derek would have run from that pain in several unhealthy ways.
Instead, I paused, breathed, and mentally thanked her for this newfound clarity.
I compassionately embraced my pain and asked what it wanted to teach me.
And this was its lesson: Our happiness is directly tied to what we’re willing to let go of.
Why is this the case?
The Perils of Clinging
Whether it’s a relationship, a habit, a state of mind, or anything else, clinging creates a fundamental disconnect between your desires and reality.
And this disconnect is a surefire recipe for deep dissatisfaction, which, if left unabated, can profoundly impact your well-being and growth in several ways:
Mental health deterioration – Ruminating over past regrets, traumas, or losses creates negative thought patterns that, when you persist, can lead to depression and anxiety. It also prevents you from developing healthy coping mechanisms for handling present-moment challenges.
Physical health impacts – Chronic stress from clinging to unresolved attachments can compromise your immune function, disrupt your sleep patterns, and contribute to chronic pain, inflammation, and cardiovascular issues.
Harmed relationships – Comparing your current relationships to idealized past ones produces unrealistic expectations, projects old hurts onto new people and prevents you from forming authentic connections.
Stagnation and missed opportunities – When you spend your energy clinging to what was, you deplete much-needed resources that can help you move forward. If repeated consistently, this can lead to permanent creative blocks, career standstills, and avoiding growth opportunities that require sitting with uncertainty.
Inflexible identity – Your past shouldn’t be your personality. But defining yourself through previous roles, achievements, or relationships limits your self-growth. What’s more, when circumstances inevitably change, your rigid self-concept will face identity crisis after crisis.
The problem is that when you cling, you slowly grow comfortable a) with these discomforts and b) with clinging itself, creating a nearly impenetrable feedback loop.
Eventually, they lull you into complacency.
Then, you might as well write your eulogy tomorrow because who you are now is who you’ll be on your deathbed.
If this thought scares you, what’s your mindful, healthy path forward?
6 Steps for Releasing Your Clinging
Here’s the simple process that helps me release my clinging. I believe it’ll work well for you, too:
Step 1: Name It to Tame It
When you find yourself stuck inside your feedback loop, remain compassionate with yourself and simply acknowledge: "I'm clinging right now."
This immediately distances you from your attachment.
It doesn’t matter whether you say it aloud, note it mentally, or write it down—the only goal is to bring awareness to your habitual patterns.
Step 2: Breathe Mindfully
Once identified, pause, and take three full, deep breaths.
With each one, inhale through your nose, imagining pure white light filling your body. Exhale through your mouth, picturing dark, heavy air exiting your body and carrying your clinging with it.
These anchor you to the present moment.
Step 3: Implement an Acceptance Statement
Create a brief, repeatable phrase that allows you to honor your present-moment awareness and recognize your new reality.
"I accept this has changed" or "I allow this to be as it is" are great places to start.
Step 4: Clinch in a Pinch
Next, spend 5 seconds clinching your fists tightly.
As you do, imagine every bit of your clinging concentrated in those two spots.
Then, suddenly release your clinching as you exhale forcefully.
Step 5: Visualize Letting Go
During this forceful exhale, also imagine your clinging as an object.
Picture yourself standing on the banks of a mountain stream and placing this object on a leaf floating atop the water. Then, watch as the current pulls it away, and it gets smaller and smaller until it’s no longer visible.
Step 6: Return to Gratitude
Once it’s out of sight, name three things you’re grateful for.
These can include “everyday miracles” like good health, a strong family or friend group, gainful employment, hobbies that you enjoy, or simply having clothes on your back and food to eat.
This shifts your focus from what you lack and reveals how rich you are.
From Clinging to Soaring
Together, I’ve found this is a powerful process for letting go.
However, please remember that it isn’t a magic bullet, healing isn’t linear, and long-term results will take time and repeated effort to achieve.
Therefore, as you exit your cocoon and spread your wings, remain compassionate with yourself.
Once you’ve moved through the discomfort of transformation, the winds of change will carry you to places you previously considered unattainable.
There, may you be a guide for others amid their own metamorphoses.
I’ve had losses in my life that have recently caused me to cling to people and situations that don’t serve me, cause more stress, and anxiety. This is helpful to put things into perspective and to have physical techniques (like the fist clenching!) to use in situations I don’t feel as if I have much control over or when my head is spinning too much. Thanks Derek!
A life improving read. Thank you.