Politicians Will Not Stop Your Suffering
But taking responsibility for your emotional skills will.
“We can see for ourselves the obvious truth that when we cling or hold on to that which changes, we suffer.” – Joseph Goldstein
Two years ago, I returned to school to earn my psychology credentials, which—in my mid-forties—has been a unique experience.
Not only are most of my classmates nearly old enough to be my children, but for many, their arrival in higher education has been the opposite of mine: First, I gained wisdom from decades of real-world, hands-on experience. Now, later in life, I’m layering the theoretical knowledge on top.
Granted, I still don’t know shit.
Even with the invaluable lessons I’ve learned during my own mental health journey, in addition to what I’ve absorbed in the classroom, I fully recognize my mountainous ignorance about the human psyche.
However, this knowledge and experience has revealed a unifying theme:
We suffer.
Every last one of us.
And we all seek relief.
What Happens When You Seek External Relief from Suffering?
To find reprieve from your suffering, it makes sense that you must first identify its source.
A knee-jerk solution—one your ego begs you to choose—is to blame an external ‘other.’ Then, to conclude that if this ‘other’ were to change, everything would be better.
“If only [politician, place, scenario, emotion, thing, etc.] were different, THEN I’d be happy,” you convince yourself.
However, by externalizing the cause of (and solution to) your suffering, you give it tremendous power. You surrender complete control over your present and future emotional states.
By externalizing the cause of (and solution to) your suffering, you give it tremendous power. You surrender complete control over your present and future emotional states.
When things go your way, it feels great. But when they don’t, it feels like shit. Which makes you cling to what feels ‘good’ even more. Then, you feel even worse when ‘bad’ stuff happens.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
You’re an emotional ping pong ball.
In other words, this life approach will cause you to continue suffering—again and again—in a constant cycle of seeking external blame and subsequent relief.
Good News: You Can Write Your Story—Not Politicians
Until you decide you’ve had enough.
Until you decide to take responsibility for the fact that it’s childish to blame an ‘other’ for your suffering. Until you recognize that it’s emotionally unskillful.
And until you decide to look inside, examine your suffering, and accept that you—and only you—are responsible for detaching your emotions from stuff you can’t control. Which is basically everything.
Here’s the beauty: This means you can choose when to exit your cycle of suffering.
Or… not.
The decision is 100% yours.
You’re the author of your story.
But whichever candidate you voted for this election, please recognize that no politician will help you write your next chapter, or solve your actual problems. It’s healthy to desire change, but they don’t provide the type you seek.
After all, you know they talk a good game, but they’re interested in alleviating their own cycle of suffering—and lining their pockets in the process.
May you honor the beauty in our ever-shifting external world, and also mindfully recognize that attaching yourself to anything it contains is a surefire recipe for deep dissatisfaction.
Instead, seek lasting refuge. Turn your attention inward.
Be your own superhero.
Your happiness awaits.
Regardless of who’s in office.
Thank you for this Derek. I just "found you" on Substack. I honour you for taking on studies like this in your fourth decade. I think perhaps one of the differences between you and your much younger classmates, is that many of them may not have yet reached the wisdom to say..."I fully recognize my mountainous ignorance about the human psyche". All the best Derek.
Derek, you stated: [people often say] “If only [politician, place, scenario, emotion, thing, etc.] were different, THEN I’d be happy” followed by:
However, by externalizing the cause of (and solution to) your suffering, you give it tremendous power. You surrender complete control over your present and future emotional states.
—————————-
This ^ is the crux of the issue. Most people have relinquished their power or their will. They don’t feel they have the capacity to change or they have simply given up. It’s easier to focus on the ‘other’ — whether that be a friend, family member, a boss or guru or politician or Jesus, for that matter. I don’t have problem with people of faith or the faithful, necessarily. We often can be inspired or moved to greatness by charismatic figures. Yet, the capacity to be brainwashed or conditioned to believe in lies and falsehoods that serve the need of the cult leader supersedes any individual will or capacity for free thinking. We need to have faith in ourselves and each other — in our communities, in our resilient capacities through leveraging resources. We need to glorify the everyday heroes in our communities such as firefighters, nurses, doctors, police officers, social workers, teachers, farmers — people that hold the glue of our society together.
I will also add that intolerance (on both sides) is what led us to this juncture. If we don’t start building bridges, if we don’t work on resolving intergenerational trauma and conflict, we’re not going to survive as a species. So, while faith and optimism have their place, so does shared responsibility, ethical consideration, compassion and understanding about how power operates in a world where women and children are easily exploited. Michael Brown in the Presence Process stated, “There are no safe women in this world. There are pursued creatures.” If you haven’t lived in this world as a woman, it’s hard to grasp what that means. The reelection of Trump makes this quote even more resonant today.
‘Happiness’ is an elusive and almost nonsense concept that is derived from social conditioning. Healthy and thriving might be better goals to strive for. What that might mean for individuals may require some self reflection. Mass consumption isn’t sustainable. The next four years will be difficult as we now have a government hostile to environment concerns.
It’s a fine balance act. A conscious act to remain balanced, magnanimous and grounded while at the same time not to become too navel gazing or self absorbed (which I think is the shadow side of mindfulness). We need to focus on our own self regulation and take responsibility for our own life and we need to consider the fact that we live in community with others who experience suffering — many of whom are more vulnerable than ourselves. ‘It takes a village’ still applies, as I see it.