I appreciate the line — ‘Shift your perspective from one of abandonment to alignment’ because often we experience a sense of loss over past friendships or connections. Even if the loss may be real, we’re usually still connected to the past through memories, good or bad. Abandonment often means renouncing what we once thought was valuable. In this case, we have consciously chosen to walk away from something that might have once held value or meaning. In my case, I decided to ‘abandon’ my teaching career because it was no longer aligned with my interests or priorities at the time. These kinds of choices are often existential because we’re faced with determining what does indeed align with our sense of self. That, as you suggested, usually requires time. James Hollis emphasizes that making choices in life should focus on whether a decision enlarges or diminishes your sense of self. I like that distinction. Do I see myself ‘enlarging’ (or growing) as a person, or do I see myself feeling diminished (or more minor) when I choose to engage in a new activity or person?
Thanks so much, Anna! I love the idea of viewing decisions as either diminishing or enlarging our sense of self. Even if we can't put words to what we're feeling when faced with these decisions, we intuitively "know" if we're expanding or contracting.
I loved reading this , this is so profound , and you have articulated it so well .
You are creating such an awareness, doing a great job .
I truly appreciate what you are doing .
As someone with high emotional sensitivity , I have always felt misunderstood and have kept most of my feelings to myself , because most people don’t understand the depth from where I talk . So I now I write about the quiet beauty of being misunderstood and the hidden architecture of feelings .
I am looking forward to more great work from you .
I deeply appreciate your kind words, Pelle! There's definitely a learning curve involved regarding when and where to speak our truths, and it sounds like you've earned your wisdom. May we all continue aligning with those who have the ears to listen. 🙏
This really resonated. A few years ago, I broke off a friendship with someone I’d long considered my best friend. A narcissistic presence who drained far more than he gave. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but also one of the most important.
Reading through your recommendations, I found myself thinking: I wish I had these tools back then. The emotional and psychological techniques you outline would’ve helped me navigate that transition with more clarity—and probably more grace.
Grateful for this post. It’s practical, compassionate, and deeply needed.
Thank you deeply, Alexis. I'm sorry you've experienced that, but glad you had the courage to move through it. May we all have the self-compassion to do the same when faced with similar situations. 🙏
I appreciate the line — ‘Shift your perspective from one of abandonment to alignment’ because often we experience a sense of loss over past friendships or connections. Even if the loss may be real, we’re usually still connected to the past through memories, good or bad. Abandonment often means renouncing what we once thought was valuable. In this case, we have consciously chosen to walk away from something that might have once held value or meaning. In my case, I decided to ‘abandon’ my teaching career because it was no longer aligned with my interests or priorities at the time. These kinds of choices are often existential because we’re faced with determining what does indeed align with our sense of self. That, as you suggested, usually requires time. James Hollis emphasizes that making choices in life should focus on whether a decision enlarges or diminishes your sense of self. I like that distinction. Do I see myself ‘enlarging’ (or growing) as a person, or do I see myself feeling diminished (or more minor) when I choose to engage in a new activity or person?
Thanks so much, Anna! I love the idea of viewing decisions as either diminishing or enlarging our sense of self. Even if we can't put words to what we're feeling when faced with these decisions, we intuitively "know" if we're expanding or contracting.
Your reflections and reminders are so REAL Derek!
Thank you, Grace!
Hello Derek ,
I loved reading this , this is so profound , and you have articulated it so well .
You are creating such an awareness, doing a great job .
I truly appreciate what you are doing .
As someone with high emotional sensitivity , I have always felt misunderstood and have kept most of my feelings to myself , because most people don’t understand the depth from where I talk . So I now I write about the quiet beauty of being misunderstood and the hidden architecture of feelings .
I am looking forward to more great work from you .
Regards Pelle
I deeply appreciate your kind words, Pelle! There's definitely a learning curve involved regarding when and where to speak our truths, and it sounds like you've earned your wisdom. May we all continue aligning with those who have the ears to listen. 🙏
Thank you Derek . I am glad to have connected with you . I appreciate your warmth and kindness in your words towards me .
Have a great day .
Thank you Derek 🙏🏻✨
Everybody needs to go to the home place occasionally, to see where they came from, how far they have come, and why the hell they left.
Amen, Charlotte!
Thank you for sharing, Derek.
I appreciated the practices.
They're something I'll lean into :)
Thanks so much, Jimmy! I'd love to know how it goes.
This really resonated. A few years ago, I broke off a friendship with someone I’d long considered my best friend. A narcissistic presence who drained far more than he gave. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but also one of the most important.
Reading through your recommendations, I found myself thinking: I wish I had these tools back then. The emotional and psychological techniques you outline would’ve helped me navigate that transition with more clarity—and probably more grace.
Grateful for this post. It’s practical, compassionate, and deeply needed.
Thank you deeply, Alexis. I'm sorry you've experienced that, but glad you had the courage to move through it. May we all have the self-compassion to do the same when faced with similar situations. 🙏
Question becomes who get who in the divorce in my life right now. Sometimes I really miss a few of them
The longing for their presence is real. May we remain compassionate with ourselves, as well as the boundaries we've set. 🙏